Parenting with Honor - Part 2
“If you refuse to discipline your son, it proves you don’t love him; for if you love him, you will be prompt to punish him.”
Proverbs 13:24 (TLB)
Yesterday we looked at the first two ways we can parent with honor. Jesus modeled them in Mark 10:13-16, when some mothers brought their little children to Him. At first, the disciples saw the kids as distractions for Jesus and tried to shoo them away. But when Jesus saw what was happening, He rebuked His disciples and said to them, “Let the children come to Me, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as they. Don’t send them away! … Then He took the children into His arms and placed His hands on their heads and He blessed them.” Mark 10:14; 16 (TLB)
Jesus showed honor for the children in two ways, through affectionate touch and affirming words of blessing. Is it any wonder that children loved Jesus and felt safe in His presence? As we practice these two ways to honor our kids, there are two other ways we can honor them as well.
Third, honor them with loving discipline.
Honoring your children with loving discipline is probably one of the most difficult for parents to manage and agree on. It’s vital that you and your spouse are on the same page when it comes to loving discipline. Often, parents have a good cop/bad cop parenting style. One of you may be a soft touch and too permissive, while the other is overly restrictive and punitive. Opposites attract until there is a conflict, and then opposites attack. If you parent with fear or guilt rather than honor, you’re likely to fall into this category, and your child will suffer for it. This is critical. The Bible says, “If you refuse to discipline your son, it proves you don’t love him; for if you love him, you will be prompt to punish him.” Proverbs 13:24 (TLB) We must provide loving boundaries for our kids. Insecure kids feel secure when they push against those boundaries and find out they don’t budge. Yet, so many parents today are trying to be their child’s best friend and let the kids make all their own decisions. Ultimately, we do want them to make their own decisions as they mature, but our kids don’t need us to be their best friend. They need us to be their parent! Some parents fear that if they set boundaries, their children will resent them for it.
But Hebrews 12:9 (NIV) says just the opposite will happen, “Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us, and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live!” You may not feel that respect for a while, but as they mature, you will. The payoff comes later. Quit parenting by fear and guilt. It dishonors your child and shows you don’t really love them. In fact, these three common mistakes dishonor our kids:
Indulgence – Does God parent us with indulgence spoiling us with everything we want? The Bible says, “… the Lord disciplines those He loves.” in Hebrews 12:6, and in verse 11, it says that discipline was painful. Lack of discipline out of fear of rejection dishonors your child. God only disciplines His kids. Indulging your kids is not loving them. It will only make them feel unloved.
Overprotection – Our job as a parent is to work ourselves out of a job. We want them to learn to set their own healthy and God-honoring boundaries. You may have heard the proverb, “Once burned, twice learned.” Failure and consequences can be a great teacher. Quit trying to rescue them from all the consequences of their own mistakes. Overprotection is a form of rejection. Let them learn from their mistakes so they don’t make the same ones again. Hebrews 12:10-11 (NLT) says, “For our earthly fathers disciplined us for a few years, doing the best they knew how. But God’s discipline is always good for us, so that we might share in His holiness. No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way.”
Rules Without Relationship – Honor your children with loving discipline. If it’s just discipline, they will feel unloved and rebel. Rules with no relationship is religion - lifeless, dead religion. That’s what the Pharisees and religious leaders had in Jesus’ day. They had over 613 rules and kept adding more with their traditions, yet never had a loving relationship. In Ephesians 6:4 (TLB), the bible says, “And now a word to you parents. Don’t keep on scolding and nagging your children, making them angry and resentful. Rather, bring them up with the loving discipline the Lord Himself approves….”
Fourth, honor them by leading them to Jesus.
The most important way we can honor our kids is to point them to Jesus Christ. If you honor them in all the other ways but fail to lead them to Jesus, you’ve helped them for a time but lost them for eternity. Model your honor for God before them. Let them see in you what honor for God looks like through your personal relationship with Jesus. In Deuteronomy 6:7 (TLB) the bible says, “You must teach them (God’s commands) to your children and talk about them when you are at home or out for a walk; at bedtime and the first thing in the morning.” Do your kids see how you honor God through your commitment to Christ, through your church attendance, through your giving? These are some of the ways they can see how you honor God.
Another way to lead them to Jesus is to pray for them and with them. Ask them what you can pray for in their lives. Don’t take “nothing” as an answer. Keep asking until you get something. Then pray with them. When you make prayer a priority, they will see a living model of a mom or dad who honors God.